I'm not even sure why I'm going to write this

So, not many people know this, but I don't associate with the man listed on my birth certificate as my father. This is due to multiple reasons.. The major one, he's not a reliable/good person to have in my children's lives.
Our relationship has been rocky (thats putting it very mildly) since I was a baby, with him in and out of my life, it was nothing new. Either he moved away with one of his random girlfriends at the time, or he was in jail for drugs, or alcohol related things.. It wasn't pretty looking back now, but I always forgave him, because I dreamed of having that father/daughter life that all my friends had..
So it was a constant game of in and outs.. From the time I was born, up until my 22nd birthday.. Yes, for that long..
Then, shortly after my 22nd birthday, I received a text message from him stating "Your a worthless piece of shit, you'll never be as good as me, you'll never amount to anything in life".
And the funny thing is, while his words pissed me off. I can honestly say they didn't hurt me. Because he was wrong, so wrong.. Because here's the thing. Unlike him, I have a high school equivalency diploma (he dropped out before he finished 8th grade). I don't do drugs, I very very very rarely drink (on account of the fact that there are so many alcoholics in my family, I have made sure that I would never myself, go down that path). And, I would never choose a drug dealer/user over my own kids.
Now. I will tell you, often growing up, I wondered why I was never good enough for him, nothing I ever did was good enough for him.. No matter what, I got my butt beat... Slapped around, verbally and mentally abused.. I just wasn't his ideal child, I did something wrong. I had it in my head that I could never please anyone... But the older I got, the wiser I got..
While he treated my other siblings like gold (3 not his, 1 his.. Multiple unknown that are probably his because he was a slut) I was the "Cinderella" and made to do everything. And it's not because I wasn't good enough for him, it's because I was to good for him.
Maybe he knew one day, I'd kick him out of my life, and not allow him to have any sort of interaction with my children. Maybe he knew that one day, I would look back, and hate him for everything he did. Who knows.
Tonight Facebook made him, and his daughter (Yes, she is related to me by blood, although I do not acknowledge her for multiple reasons) suggestions for me to become friends with.. I briefly clicked on their Facebook pages, and realized how strong their bond still is. I then saw that his sister was on his Facebook page, and clicked on her page, to see she had posted a picture of him, her, and their other sister sometime in January... About the same time when she tried to contact me being all nice..
Fishing for information?? Most likely..
I have no ill feelings towards the extended family on that side, other then the fact that I do not appreciate them contacting me at his request.. If they wanted something to do with my children and I. They would have come out of the wood work long before now. So yes, I have stayed away from talking to that side of the "family" Maybe it's heartless, but I haven't posted everything here, and probably won't as I don't like to relive the past.
Alot of people asked me "Isn't it hard to not have a dad?"
What most people don't expect is for me to answer, that I do indeed have a dad.
My DAD came into my life when my daughter Alyssa was born.. He is a man who has dealt with me at my worst, times, and at my best times. He is the man who sat with me at the hospital when I was in the ER with fear in his eyes because I had a blockage in my kidneys, a man who sat and waited for me to get through with surgery, a man who drove me to and from my doctors appointments because I was unable to drive.
And most importantly, a man that my kids know, and call "Papa", and a man that I am proud, and so happy to call "dad".
We are looking into doing a legal adult adoption but a few roadblocks have been in the way. I would love nothing more then to see my daddy's name on my birth certificate, but honestly.. When it comes down to it, a piece of paper has no value, what matters is what we feel in our hearts, and I love my dad.
I couldn't ask for a better role model for my children, and he's everything I envisioned in a dad growing up.

So to the man who gave it all up for his drugs, and alcohol. I thank you. I thank you for not being a dad to me. I thank you for showing me what I didn't need in my life, and what I didn't want. I thank you for that text message in June of 2010, I thank you for not seeing my children for over 4 1/2 years, I thank you for all the mean words you have said, all the mean things you have did. I thank you for giving me the courage to finally tell you good-bye. And most of all, I thank you for making me see, what I wanted in a dad. Everything you were not.

And to my dad G.B- Thank you.. Thank you for being the dad I always dreamed of. The one who I know I can turn to whenever things get tough. For answering my phone calls and just listening to me vent. For being an amazing Papa to my kids. For being a phenomenal man, and for loving me unconditionally. I love you dad, and I don't feel like I show it or tell you enough.. I can never tell you how grateful I am for everything you have ever done for me. Thank you again dad.

It's been awhile.. So where were we??

Wow, I haven't written since November. I am so sorry, to all of my followers! But, then again. I don't think I have many!!

Thing's have been crazy!! Alyssa turned 7, We had Christmas, New years, Lucas turned 2!!

Our life here in California is going GREAT! My sailor man is no longer a instructor, but instead is now a maintenance tech on his base, and well, we love it! The schedule is great and the people are great.
I am still in school and I love you. I am done in about 2 months, and can't wait to start working!
I am babysitting part time again. The kids all love it, more play mates, more fun!!

I've got say, I miss Virginia, well, not Virginia specifically, but the friends I made there. They all mean so much to me!
I will post more soon =)

Friday Fill in!

Head on over to Wife of A Sailor to link up!!!

1. Freedom is, something often taken for granted.. Freedom is NOT free, and I'm sure many people understand that. People also need to focus on making sure their children understand that..

2. Veterans are, underappreciated.. I'm not sorry that I am going to say this, but Veterans day is for VETERANS.. Meaning those who have served in the past. Many people still focus on just thanking those who serve today... It's just weird..

3. This country is, Great... We have alot that people other countries are jealous of, but no one/no country is without it's flaws..There is always room for improvement and I do sense alot of room for improvement in some areas here... Like education!

4. Veteran's day means... (well see number 2!) thanking those and appreciating those who have served... Although I truly think about them every day, it is also something that is nice to have a day dedicated for.

5. A hero is.... Do you want the dictionary definition? No, I didn't think so! A hero is someone who would give everything to protect even those they do not know. A hero is not just a military member, a police officer, a fire fighter, a paramedic, they are all hero's, and then so are there spouses. Their loved one goes to do a dangerous job while they sit at home, wondering, and waiting.

Slacker? Yup, thats me!

I have NOT updated my November Thankful list, because well. I have been immensely busy, and I would LOVE a do-over for November... I won't post why, but things haven't been going so well.. So I will post some positive things =D.

I started my class and LOVE it.. I am definitely making the right choice in the field I want to go in (at least now!) I had my first exam yesterday. I'm fairly positive I did well on it... I think i will find out next week. I have one day of class next week (Tuesday) then off for Thanksgiving... I am pretty excited about it, except, we have two exams and an oral report due that day...

The kids are great. My Ally cat is doing WONDERFUL in her class, she is defintiely loving it.. And now that one of my friends moved here, her daughter is in Ally cat's class, and she has alot more fun She is turning 7 in less then 3 weeks!!!! Buggy and Bubby are wonderful, they are growing so fast, it makes me sad!!!

Sailor man?? Oh my sailor man, just thinking about him gives me butterflies :-)... He started at his base and loves it... The schedule is pretty awesome =-D.. I love having him home before I have to go work, and he only has duty every 10 days!! So far looking at the schedule he will be off for all Holidays (but he does have duty on January 1st!) He can take Holiday leave if he wants to, but we don't see the point in that!

We are not so happy about the house we live in, and it has more to do with the drama in this neighborhood versus other's in the area... But I guess it comes with the territory.. Just hopefully some of those drama filled people move out soon!!!

We filed our moving claim a month ago today, and still have not heard anything in regards to it, which is definitely a let down, but hopefully it will all be fixed soon, it would be nice to know how much they are going to give us for them ruining our stuff/losing some stuff.

That's all for now. I promise a more in depth look later ;-)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew thanks for letting me get that out!
This time change, is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! I go to bed earlier, but my kids get up earlier! LOL. I'm so tired by the end of the night, i drag myself into bed at 8:30-9:00... Anyone else have that issue? Now, don't get me wrong, it normally wouldn't be an issue except I can't get used to it!
Next week I start school, night class to be exact. Classes are 5:30 pm to 9:30 pm, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.. So I'll be up late, at least 3 nights a week! Plus staying up to do homework since I also have physical therapy 4x a week, so that's a couple hours, I don't have to do homework! And then there's work on top of that? Over whelming?? Yes yes it is.. But it will all benefit my family, in the long run! Plus, I am so excited!
Everything in CA is going great. My friend and her family just moved out, and we got together yesterday. I can tell we are going to have a blast together! Catching up with some of my friends from the past this week as well =). Pretty excited about that. Haven't seen them in years!
I went to hubby's old/new base yesterday. I say old/new because we were there before, and are going back. And oh my! What differences. The land across the street is developed, and amazing!! The base itsself, has only changed in the aspect they built a new building and added a new soccer field but it is still like I remember. It brought back alot of memories. Can't wait to make some new ones!
Sailor man's schedule is pretty awesome right now, since he is in school. I'm not sure how it will be once he is an instructor but I am hoping that it is as reasonable as this schedule seems to be =). I love having him home so much.
That's all for now =)

Grateful November

My friend posted something on Facebook, about posting a thing every day, that you are grateful for in November.. I figure why not bring it into my blog as well! And here I will pair it up with photos and links =)
So
Day 1 (11/1/11)
I'm thankful for my wonderful family, for my friends, and my family...
That one is self explanatory
Day 2 (11/2/11)
Today I am thankful for my husband understanding when I need to go help my friends. I'm the drop everything and rush off when a friend is in need, kind of person. It takes a wonderful, kind and loving man to understand/support that ♥
Found out of on my dear friends is in the hospital, and rushed to her side to be with her.. Amazing of my hubby <3 Day 3 (11/3/11)
I am thankful for the patience I have gained since I had kids. Lately I need it more then ever :-)
Both of my youngest kids are sick and it's taking alot of patience to deal with them =)
Day 4 11/4/11
Day 4 today I am thankful for my mom who is always there for me no matter what... she has been at my side for the birth of all three of my kids, all of my surgeries and so much more. Today is also her 47th birthday, so happy birthday mom!!! I love you.
Then I added on
One more thing I am thankful for... If Mike would have left, literally 2 minutes earlier.. This would have been him.... He was at the scene, before the emergency crews were even there... The one car was vertical on top of the other =/. So sweetheart- thank you for taking the time to kiss me good bye... And thank you for doing it every day♥ (Praying for the family of the man who passed)
Then I added another one on...
And, one more thing I am thankful for... My daughter Victoria.... You see, 3 years ago today.. She underwent a surgery that even the surgeon didn't know what he was getting into, and we didn't know if she would make it through... My husband was deployed.. I was a wreck, but again, another reason why I am thankful for my mom is on her birthday she sat by my side in the waiting room and forced me to eat to keep my strength and listened to me bitch that they were taking longer then they said the surgery would.. She even laughed when I pushed the doctor out of my way and said "Tell me later, I want my baby" LOL! 3 years later, all that remains is the scar and the scary feeling that whatever it was, can reoccur at anytime =/.

I will update a new one every day!

The ABC's of me!!

A. AREA CODE: 619

B. BED SIZE: Queen

C. CHORE YOU HATE: Dishes, and folding and putting away laundry!

D. DOGS NAME: Savannah =). We didn't choose it.. She came to us pre-named and we chose not to change it.

E. ESSENTIAL "START OF THE DAY" ITEM: Kisses from my husband... Even if he leaves for work, he kisses me bye.

F. FAVORITE COLOR: baby blue and pink.

G. GOLD OR SILVER: White gold =)

H. HEIGHT: 5'4 1/2 :-)

I. INSTRUMENT YOU PLAY: None.. Haha, I'm to impatient to learn!

J. JOB: Rockeresque Beauty Company, mom, wife, and student

K. KIDS: Alyssa who will be 7 in December, Victoria who is 4, and Lucas who is 1.

L. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Hubby, the kids, the dog, the cats and I live in our house in san diego

M. MOM'S NAME: Sherry

N. NICKNAME: Not many!

O. OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAY: Giving birth, surgeries, kidney infection.

P. PET PEEVE: Chewing with your mouth open, talking with food in your mouth. Car seat safety is a huge thing, kids being in the stroller for their appropriate ages

Q. QUOTE FROM A MOVIE: I don't remmeber them much.

R. RIGHT OR LEFTY: Righty!

S. SIBLINGS: 2 of each, all older.

T. TIME YOU WAKE UP: 6:45 to get monkey up and ready for school!

U. UNDERWEAR: I wear it, everyday.

V. VEGGIE YOU DISLIKE: Radishes

W. WAYS/REASONS YOU ARE LATE: Mike.

X. XRAYS YOU'VE HAD: way to many!!

Y. YUMMY FOOD YOU MAKE: fried chicken, lasagna, and a few others.

Z. ZOO ANIMALS YOU LIKE: Tigers!